The First 2 Weeks

I'm going to be completely honest here and say that the first 2 weeks have been harder than I thought!  It is made up of 3 categories: physical healing, emotional changes, and newborn care.  We brought our sweet bundle home, surprised that we were allowed to just take him home without any supervision or anything.  How can we be trusted to raise him??  There are no more nurses when I need them anymore.  That first night was hard!  I spent half the night crying because nursing hurt so bad that I had to stop feeding him for a little while.  He was waking up every hour or so and so I got about 3 hours of sleep.  The next morning I called a lactation consultant and we got everything sorted out.  I'm using a shield which is working great!  Has anyone else used one before?  When did you stop using it?  It's kind of a hassle, but I don't want to go back to that nipple biting pain.

Physical healing- Wow, that was probably the worst part!  I expected to need some time to heal, but man, it's been painful.  I got 2nd degree stitches and because of my 3 hours of pushing, I was VERY swollen.  I honestly didn't even want to look down there!  Basically it hurt to sit, stand, move, do anything.  Any small amount of pressure felt like my insides were falling out and my stitches were ripping open.  And since I was so swollen I couldn't even walk normally.  This includes my feet too, which were HUGE!  I was also bleeding so bad that I actually wore diapers so that nothing got anywhere I didn't want it to.  As embarrassing as it is, it worked great for the first week or so!  Plus, apparently redheads bleed more.  I also had to use hemorrhoid pads, numbing spray, a squirt bottle, stool softeners, and my large doses of pain meds.  Oh brother.  It felt like someone shoved a blender up there.  It's been over 2 weeks now and I'm starting to feel better.  It doesn't hurt when I sit or walk short distances anymore.  But I'm certainly not back to normal.  It's also been a little annoying to still look pregnant.  I am still wearing maternity clothes.  I'm hoping that I will be out of them in the next week.  And I can't wait to feel good enough to work out again.  My body has certainly gone through a lot, and I will probably never wear a bikini again.

Emotional changes- A lot of people get baby blues at the beginning.  So I wasn't afraid of how emotional I was.  My mom was there to reassure me too.  It just felt like I was about to cry at any moment.  And  I certainly did cry many times.  These mood swings only lasted the first 10 days, so I can laugh about it now.  The first time we took James out of the house, I cried twice in the car because I was afraid of being out.  I felt like we needed to be at home in case we needed anything and that I just didn't think we could go anywhere.  Lol, it was strange.  I've also cried because I was sad that he will be 1 soon, and soon he'll be 8, and then 16 and then graduating college...  Haha.  And for the first few days, I was so sad every time he cried.  I would get a little upset at my mom and Glen when he would cry with them.  Plus I worried that he would stop breathing or get sick or not gain enough weight, etc.  So many emotions.  Even Glen has experienced some baby blues.  But I feel great now, back to normal.  My normal self was pretty emotional as it was though.

Newborn care-  I have a good understanding of caring for children, but newborns are a different story.  Changing a newborn's diaper is hard, putting them in a carseat is hard, they are just so delicate!  Then there is the feeding every 2 hours so you can only sleep for an hour at a time, if at all.  I was very worried about his weight gain, he lost 11% after birth.  But he is doing great now.  We kept track of all his feedings, pee and poopy diapers.  I was worried that he was sleeping too much, cause it was hard to keep him awake for even 20 minutes to eat.  It takes a lot of patience to care for a newborn and a lot of confidence.  Honestly I don't know how young girls do it without support.  It can be pretty overwhelming.

It has definitely been an adjustment.  And yes, it's been hard.  But at the same time, James is SOO cute and little, and I love it when he curls up on his tummy on my chest.  I love his sleepy smiles.  I love seeing his face covered in milk and a full tummy.  I love his little body, and soft skin.  He is half me and half Glen, and I just love it!  To quote the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting, "He is my glow."  My reason to get up in the morning.  I love him!  I can sleep later.  :)